Baby Making Lesbians

Baby Making Lesbians…

Rosie’s blog states she and Kelli
are trying for another baby.

You go women…
It’s not an easy thing.

Jan and I tried for a year.
We read all the books,
collected all the necessary utensils.
I wanted it for her, for us.
For her to experience the magic of birth.
She wanted to share her child’s life with me.

Our visit with the local OB/GYN a hoot.
This middle aged man,
(the same man that delivered Hilary),
Calling me down to the end of Jan’s exam table,
showing me what her cervix looked like.
A tiny thing I was to aim said sperm at.
Giving advice to lesbians.
Good Luck he said.

Month by month disappointment came.
For her. For me and said sperm donor alike.
He too wanted a child in some small way.
A piece of him, this gay man.
A good man. Kind and gentle.
I perfect fit to Jan’s personality.

And yet, this lesbian, me, could not
impregnate any of us.
What loss we felt.
Failure to fulfill her dream became mine.
I took the blame.
Jan refused to speak.

We pulled apart.
A wall was built we could not climb.
I assumed she placed blame.
She felt guilt for the heart condition
that killed our dream.

Sperm donor asked regularly how she was,
could we try again.
A knife slipped in deeper each time.

A hole opened up.
I fell in.
Jan watched from the sidelines.
Tried to reach me.
I wallowed in hate.

Time passed, counseling helped.
We talked, we learned to laugh.
Eventually we meant it.
Forgave each other and ourselves.
We made it.

We wont try again.

I love her more for the effort.
Of intense pain and then renewal.
We celebrated falling in love again.
Stood before friends and spoke meaningful vows.

Grandchildren are coming, someday.
We can wait.