Mama tigers and their young
May 20, 2005I am so angry.
Or maybe it is hurt.
My daughter is the first Burke grandchild
of Jack and Evelyn to graduate High School.
She is the oldest next to my son John.
(John was held back a year due to an apathy
for education, but will finish this fall)
Katherine of course invited her grandparents
to attend her graduation.
They pretty much insisted on an invitation and
a large senior picture. Yes they specified Large…
I am not sure why they felt the need to insist.
I have kept up the respectful gift giving for
them for all these years after the divorce
from their son. We have always been on friendly terms.
The other day they let my daughter know that
they would not be able to attend her graduation.
It will be held in Chattanooga TN about 30 minutes
from our homes. Their eye site is bad…
yes I know, they cant drive at night.
Her father has a van. He could drive them.
He would love to. They know this.
She was hurt.. I was pissed. We moved on.
Tonight was class night… Here in town.
Minutes away from their home.
They asked her to attend. She went because they did.
They told her they would come. Then 20 minutes
before her event they called and cancelled.
She just called to let us know they did not attend.
Tears in her voice. Resolve in her heart.
Pain coming through the phone line.
As my blood boiled hard.
I myself did not attend because the last I heard
she was not going. She went because they made her attend.
I was working and she never told us that she wanted to go.
I heard about all of this just now.
I have had enough.
For years, my children, once they were no longer small
and oh so cute, were treated as lesser than the new
cute little grandchildren that literally
took their place. Yet these same grandparents think they
can tell my children what to do. Or not do.
No navel rings or “I will kick you out of my house”
for instance. I allowed them, an immediate yes to the request,
simply because they did dare to order them not to.
Because they were so horribly rude.
I want to scream, to tell them what they do not know.
These children of mine. How amazingly unique they are.
Each one finding their own strong voice.
Their own way in the world. Soon they will not need
my reminders to show respect, to remember their
grandparents. What a loss for these elderly
people to endure.
Yet they do not know what they have done.
These almost grown children are those same
small beings they once took such pride in.
Blond ringlets shining in the sun.
Soon to turn as red as their mothers, but
still those glorious curls they once so loved.
When their joy changed, I will never know.
We are the Burke tribe, these children and I,
years ago we named ourselves that.
A single mother finding a way to let these
small lives know that even without a father
we were still one. Stronger as a group.
A team of power able to endure. To hurt and heal
no matter the source. And so we remain.
With Jan now a honored member.
When one hurts we all ache with her.
Her siblings know her hurt today.
They experience it with her.
Have felt it too. Were made to feel it.
What a shame to have burned this bridge.
I am here My Katherine.
Here I will always be.
Oh Annie, this just makes my heart hurt for your baby. How controlling and manipulative these people. I know I don’t need to tell you that she will be OK. She has you and Jan and she knows that forever. But it doesn’t stop the immediate hurts. It is so unfortunate that they don’t “get it.” They will wonder why she doesn’t call, doesn’t write, doesn’t stop by. They don’t get it. Some people never do. Your kids will always “get it” because you do. For that they are blessed.
How mad I am right now for you….urgh…some people just do not understand that their actions can cut so deep, leaving a gaping wound that can take so long to heal. It seems to me that your Katherine is one strong woman, just like her mommas! Oh, how I would love to have had parents like the both of you…not only are your children blessed to have the both of you, but you are both greatly blessed in return.
Never break your family tribe. Love and family is all we have to rely on sometimes.
Many prayers are going out to your family tonight, as your family sooths the pain endured from others.
Sarah
Annie,
How similar are lives are, not exactly the same but oh so similar. Anthony was born three years after my mother’s death. My step-father died six weeks after my mom. So Anthony never knew a true love that only grandparents can give. He had his father’s parents, who have basically ignored him through his whole life. No birthday cards, no phone calls, no sleep-overs. When Anthony’s dad was near death, he watched in horror as his grandfather called his father a coward and a quitter. Anthony vowed that day to hate that man for the rest of his life. It was an ugly scene. I’ve never had any respect or feelings for the man, since he pretty much neglected the kids throughout their lives. But Anthony was the baby, his dad’s last child. That should have earned him some perks, but sadly it didn’t.
What Anthony did have was a surrogate grandmother. A co-worker of mine who said she’d be his grandma, before he was born. “Grandma” Millie has treated Anthony like her oldest grandson from day one, and when her own grandchildren came, they all looked up to Anthony as their older “cousin”. We have been included in their family gatherings and celebrations for almost 15 years. When A was about 5 or 6 he asked me one day, exactly who’s mom is Grandma Millie, and I thought for a minute and said she’s Dougie, Larry, and Kenny’s mom. I explained to him how and why she wanted to be his grandma, and asked him how he felt about her. He said that he loved her and was glad that she was his grandma, just wanted to clear up who’s mom she was! So, thank God for Grandma Millie! He’ll always have a very large extended family.
It’s hard when your kids hurt, and shameful that their grandparents are such jerks. But they have you and Jan, that’s all they really need.
Poor kid. You tell Katherine all of your stranger friends here are darn proud of her.
Isn’t it amazing how no matter how old our kids get, we still feel like mama bears when it come to their feelings? Chin up mama bear, you got a great little cub!
Lois Lane
It angers me that often grandparents still want the kind of control with their grandchildren that they had with their children. They can’t let go… feel like we still need the guidance and wisdom they have to offer, or think they have, as though we can’t raise our own kids. Just because they don’t agree with our parenting, they think we’re wrong. My mom does this from time to time. I let her know that I will raise my Catherine as *i* see fit. And while I appreciate her input, I’ll let her know when I need it. Ticks her off, but, as you know, she isn’t the first person you’d want parenting lessons from.
I know that your tribe, including Jan, will be there for her with the love she needs. Perhaps her grandparents should be told just how much they hurt this beautiful girl they love. My thoughts are with you and your Katherine.
It angers me that often grandparents still want the kind of control with their grandchildren that they had with their children. They can’t let go… feel like we still need the guidance and wisdom they have to offer, or think they have, as though we can’t raise our own kids. Just because they don’t agree with our parenting, they think we’re wrong. My mom does this from time to time. I let her know that I will raise my Catherine as *i* see fit. And while I appreciate her input, I’ll let her know when I need it. Ticks her off, but, as you know, she isn’t the first person you’d want parenting lessons from.
I know that your tribe, including Jan, will be there for her with the love she needs. Perhaps her grandparents should be told just how much they hurt this beautiful girl they love. My thoughts are with you and your Katherine.
It angers me that often grandparents still want the kind of control with their grandchildren that they had with their children. They can’t let go… feel like we still need the guidance and wisdom they have to offer, or think they have, as though we can’t raise our own kids. Just because they don’t agree with our parenting, they think we’re wrong. My mom does this from time to time. I let her know that I will raise my Catherine as *i* see fit. And while I appreciate her input, I’ll let her know when I need it. Ticks her off, but, as you know, she isn’t the first person you’d want parenting lessons from.
I know that your tribe, including Jan, will be there for her with the love she needs. Perhaps her grandparents should be told just how much they hurt this beautiful girl they love. My thoughts are with you and your Katherine.
It angers me that often grandparents still want the kind of control with their grandchildren that they had with their children. They can’t let go… feel like we still need the guidance and wisdom they have to offer, or think they have, as though we can’t raise our own kids. Just because they don’t agree with our parenting, they think we’re wrong. My mom does this from time to time. I let her know that I will raise my Catherine as *i* see fit. And while I appreciate her input, I’ll let her know when I need it. Ticks her off, but, as you know, she isn’t the first person you’d want parenting lessons from.
I know that your tribe, including Jan, will be there for her with the love she needs. Perhaps her grandparents should be told just how much they hurt this beautiful girl they love. My thoughts are with you and your Katherine.
It angers me that often grandparents still want the kind of control with their grandchildren that they had with their children. They can’t let go… feel like we still need the guidance and wisdom they have to offer, or think they have, as though we can’t raise our own kids. Just because they don’t agree with our parenting, they think we’re wrong. My mom does this from time to time. I let her know that I will raise my Catherine as *i* see fit. And while I appreciate her input, I’ll let her know when I need it. Ticks her off, but, as you know, she isn’t the first person you’d want parenting lessons from.
I know that your tribe, including Jan, will be there for her with the love she needs. Perhaps her grandparents should be told just how much they hurt this beautiful girl they love. My thoughts are with you and your Katherine.
It angers me that often grandparents still want the kind of control with their grandchildren that they had with their children. They can’t let go… feel like we still need the guidance and wisdom they have to offer, or think they have, as though we can’t raise our own kids. Just because they don’t agree with our parenting, they think we’re wrong. My mom does this from time to time. I let her know that I will raise my Catherine as *i* see fit. And while I appreciate her input, I’ll let her know when I need it. Ticks her off, but, as you know, she isn’t the first person you’d want parenting lessons from.
I know that your tribe, including Jan, will be there for her with the love she needs. Perhaps her grandparents should be told just how much they hurt this beautiful girl they love. My thoughts are with you and your Katherine.
I know what they are going through. I went through it with my grandmother, and it hurts. But I tell you what, having you in them, I know that will stand their ground soon. When your children have had enough, they will make those old farts regret everything.
This is a time where Katherine should be her proudest. She should enjoy all these last days of her school year without worrying about the loss of love from family.
Just know though in your hearts Annie and Jan, that she knows who loves her unconditionally and will always stand there by her side.