Roads

My favorite poem for my entire life has been,
Robert Frost’s, The road less traveled.
When you spend as much time as I do alone,
your mind tends to process life events.
Which is why I listen to music most days, loudly.

Lately I have been thinking about those roads.
Where life took me because of each decision I made
along the way.

From leaving home so young.
(Something I can not fathom my own child
being ready for at the age she is right now.)
To leaving Cathy. For a man of all things.

Living alone for so many years until computers
brought me to an on line community where I met
this woman that keeps staring at me daily.

Nine years on the 13th.
I have loved her so completely.
I thought for a long time that this kind of love
would never come my way. I resigned myself to it.
It was enough to have had love.
To have loved others, even if I never said so.
I knew the risk and didn’t want it.

But when she showed up, all reserve seemed
to leave in that moment. Later, I was again afraid
and wanted her to leave. She never did.

I have tested that over these years, not consciously,
I don’t think. I was never one for games. But the tests
were there in the struggles that life throws at you.
She weathered them with me. At times in spite of me.
For us.

We know each others stories, every last one, and we
still think the other is amazing. She is small town.
Innocent in many ways to the larger world around her.
Few cultural events happened there. She was a ball player.
The kind I would have drooled over. From the sidelines of course.
I was a California girl, a reader, a dreamer, I wouldn’t
know how many players are on a team. She loves me anyway.

I catch her watching me even now, and I am alarmed by
it at times. I imagine immediately that there is a problem.
I’ve stepped in something or there is something on my face.
But no, she just watches me with this smile on her face.
Just because.

Life and more.

I am just brimming with happiness,
just spilling over into everything I do.

I have sooooo many projects lined up to do.
I spent yesterday finding images on line to
do several pieces of female nudes, dancers,
and found inspirational images for Theater
masks for a commission. I’ll be drawing that
design out for approval and then will get
going on it.

L, may be coming to see me.
She is talking about traveling through on her
way to visit her son and partner G’s son
in the Carolina’s. What can I say? I am excited
and terrified at the prospect. It’s been 30 years
since I last saw her.

We stood on the street saying goodbye in 1977
She gave me a sleeping bag so “I would always have
a warm place to sleep”. Her words made me weep.
I would miss her more than my own family.
And I did, for all these years.

I was heading out on my own, off to California
the minute I graduated. I had already moved out
from home. I was 16 and came out to my mother,
immediately life at home became hell. I took
a position as a live in nanny for a single mom.
I had a room upstairs as my pay. I drove myself
to my last year of high school. Made sure I graduated.
Fell in love with Beth, since L was out of my
league! LOL

My employer eventually bought a home in another city and
wanted me to come along. I did not. Beth slept with Debbie
and broke my heart. L fell off her pedestal a bit when she
didn’t see a problem with what Beth did.

I was sure I could go home again. To California.
I never belonged in Michigan. My mother forced it on us all.
A chance to leave the abusive step father.
But she brought him along in the end… I digress.

So I went to Cali… but you cant go home again. Even after
only three years of being gone. People are lost to you.
The streets look different. You are a stranger in your
home town. San Jose had become someone else’s home.
The fantasy died and I started a life in Chattanooga,
home of my sister Cris. Where I met my first partner Cathy.

It was the last place I heard from L. A call and a letter.
A letter from her son Paul. Then nothing. For 30 years.
Until last year. How amazing is that!

———————————

Jaded, you found out before me that Hilary had been
officially asked to be Brandon’s girlfriend!
After she wrote that on my blog she came out to
the living room and said that she had just told you,
so she better tell me! She is quite happy, to say the least.
He is a nice guy. Tall, dark curly hair, just her type.
She was so red in the face when he came to pick her up.
I think she was afraid I would grill him. They left quickly LOL.

Off to buy concrete backer board for a Mosaic sign for
outside my studio door… among other projects in my head!
Like these…. to be done in simple silhouettes.
It will be a series called Dance. Three pieces.

As a child, I had vivid dreams that I could dance and ice skate.
These images bring all that home to me.
Cant wait!

Phone fun! NOT

Remember when we decided to remove the home phone line?
Well the plan was to save money because number one son was
using text when he didn’t have text. Hilary ordered it and pays
for her own text privilege. So we looked into the price of a new
plan, unlimited text for all 5 phones, a new two year contract
with Sp*int. And while we were there, got me a “free” phone
that would actually text. (my old one is a dinosaur)

All was well, the change was to happen on the 4th,
My new phone was delivered in record time. Just
wait three days they said and the 200 new phone price
will be off your bill. We got a 450$ phone bill a week later.
Shocked, we called the nice folks at Sp*int.
No problem, sorry, we will get at it right away they said.
Got a voice mail a couple of days later saying it was completed.

So, Jan logs into our account on line and the bill is now even
more, not less! We call, and then we call again. No help.
Yesterday Jan talked to them for over two hours. They were
saying there was a rebate (wrong). They sent us to a link for
rebate forms, just add your reciept or a packing slip with the
rebate form. Got the phone three weeks ago now.
We have neither. Finally in utter frustration we called our
friend K who works for them. Less than 24 hours later, the
problem is taken care of.

Jan texted K back and told her I had been screaming LOL. Yep.
I didn’t even want a new phone really and it caused weeks of
worry. We just wanted a damned total to pay our bill minus
the phone cost. They would not give us one.

Actually they wanted us to pay the 450 bill and wait a month
to be reimbursed. It was at that moment that I screamed,
No f’ing way!

So, I can breathe again.
I love you K!

———————————————–
Jan and I went to the habitat Re-Store today,
They have old wood windows for 5-8-or 10 dollars!
As soon as I clear the studio out a bit I’m going back
and will buy several to mosaic.

Then we wandered around Chattanooga to find the
Chattanooga Market. This is where I’ll be selling in the spring.
They open back up April 26. My Mom’s birthday. Maybe it
will be a great day and I’ll sell a ton of stuff! They only
accept hand made or homegrown products, They actually
reserve the right to come to your home/studio and see
where you work. This ensures that you actually make
the stuff and not buy it in bulk somewhere. I love that.
Come on over I say!

I am almost done with the butterfly and then will be working
on a design for a client and starting that. Not to mention
several small projects screaming my name.

———————————————–
Today a friend was supposed to come over to grout her piece.
I am so sick of people saying they are coming over and then
not showing up all fricking day.
I am supposed to sit and watch the road.
Last time that is exactly what I did. I was working and she
called to say she would be right over. So I went upstairs
to watch for her because our garage doors have no windows
by choice, (stupid move). I waited for two hours for her to
drive 10 minutes to my house. Actually I went back downstairs
after an hour of waiting and just hoped I would hear the car
door on the road. I eventually did.

Now I have a door bell placed on the framing for the garage
door and they can ring that. This crap happens all the time.
People think you have nothing better to do than sit and
watch for them to show up. Because you work for home
so you are doing nothing with your day!

When she did show up, she brought her child with her.
She is 14 years old and a nice kid. Except for in my studio.
My expensive grinder was treated as a toy and Mom said
nothing to her. But I did, as gently as I could.

I also now have signs. No one under 16 allowed.
I saw how so many things in my space could be ruined
or would be a danger to young kids.
I have learned a lot about future events here.
Covering my butt, I now have a waiver of liability for
everyone to sign and I just bought 6 pairs of safety glasses
for visitors as well. A also made posters with safety glasses
reminders and posted them where they are needed.
This should keep us all more safe.

My first tool belt/art day for the chat list is in February.
I am really looking forward to it!

Off to start some laundry….
It’s life folks, not a hayride.
LOL
hugs to all.

A lid for every pot.

My daughter (youngest) has a date.
A real live date with a co-worker she has
been texting non-stop for a few weeks.
She went out today and bought an outfit.
She texted him to let him know she would
be looking cute tomorrow night.
His reply, ” that’s nothing new”

I always told her their was a lid for every pot.
It didn’t matter that she is a large girl like her mom.
Someone will come along and be interested.

———————————

I finally did it.
I said good by to the Mosaic (Ad) List and their
elitist behavior. The moderator
(who writes mostly of drinking “pink” and writes
as if she has), will do nothing to change the list.
And she easily could.
It’s a list for a select few and the rest lurk.
We wont even mention the homophobia issue
again! LOL I have had enough finally.
Fini, not on the list in any way
and I feel good about it.

———————————-

I started a blog for my finished mosaic pieces.
I will no longer advertise the flickr site as it has
become a support and friends space.
Things I would rather potential clients not have
access to. Many of my friends there have realized
the same thing and we have started blogs to send clients to.
(Exposure baby!)
http://artbitbybit.blogspot.com/

I am also a featured member today on
http://www.talentdatabase.com In the Art Channel.
You’ll see my mannequin head mosaic there.
Too cool! I’m getting a lot of buzz there.

My flickr links here now say Art and Design Portfolio
and direct you to the Database site.

I’m going out to dinner with my lid.
Night all.

Rox, You are still in my thoughts.

Current Mosaic Piece

This butterfly was started months ago. I built the
substrate out of celluclay over foam. All this is attached
to a wood base. It was left to cure over the holidays
for the most part. I had no idea what to do with it really!

I have been working on it in ernest this week and am
pleased with the results so far. I can only handle these
tiny pieces for a few hours before going bug eyed!

(bigger pics in the flickr link)

Today I am taking a break from it and will have breakfast
with Jan, Kate and our friends Becky and Lance.
Becky has a table she wants to mosaic on and will
come back here after we eat and I’ll help her with it.

I tidied the studio for my first real “guests in the studio”
visit. A good trial for future events. Jan is off today and
tomorrow this week due to a class she has on Thursday
and Friday.

I went to bed at 10 pm last night. Unheard of for me.
I have been fighting leg cramps at night that wake me from
a dead sleep. So I walk, and then I am awake and just stay up.
That and those tiny pieces of glass have my eyes pretty pissed
at me! So Zoe and I went to “big bed” as she knows it, and promptly
went to sleep. Jan came in at some point that I don’t remember.
Zoe always growls when she is moved to her bed in the kitchen and
I didn’t even hear that. Kate had to be picked up at 7 this morning
from work, I had been up since 5 anyway. I slept for 7 hours!
The added vitamins I am taking, potassium, magnesium etc..
are fixing the leg cramps issue! It’s always something.
I’ll be 49 this year and I am falling a part. How the hell did
that happen?

In the best news ever department.
We are getting an Ace Hardware store two miles from my house!
It’s a country little drive too, no stop lights, no traffic.
I am so excited! They broke ground a while ago next to the food lion
and no one knew what was up. This sucker will also have a drive
through window. One gallon of kilz and a box of nails please. HA!
No more running to my dearly loved Lowes 15 minutes away for
the quick needs. But I could never give up my Lowes completely!

Click to leave me a testimonial!

Of warmth and art

Just rambling…

It’s 28 degrees in Georgia today.
I just popped down to the studio space and it is
warm enough. This is the first really cold day
we have had since I installed the duct.
A good test for the whole house really.
I didn’t want to compromise warmth upsatirs,
Happily I can already tell that our bedroom is warmer
now. So the basement duct is warming my studio and the
space above it just as I had hoped it would.

I need the temp comfortable down there not just for me,
but for the glass I must cut. It doesn’t cut well cold.
I have been debating on what to use for that issue.
A heating pad or a light box are my options. I think the
light box with its florescent bulb would be more energy
efficient.

I’m using an old crock pot to keep a tub of water warm.
I don’t need much warm water and the cost of a plumber
right now is not an option. I do want a drain installed,
but not to the septic system as the cement I use will
clog that baby right up. I want to set up a sort of sieve
that will filter the cement to the bottom of a bucket
and allow the rest of the “grey” water to wash down
the back forty. I think I can set this up myself,
in the spring that is!

I am having a quiet morning, getting things done before,
heading down stairs for a few hours. I’m currently prepping
foam balls, and other foam objects for a few quick mosaic
pieces to sell at the first Chattanooga Market day in the spring.
It’s an interesting process. I am documenting it in my flickr
album for future use with students. It is also helping several
flickr friends learn the process for their own art.
I feel good about that.

I’ll be hosting our first “craft” day in March. The first part of the
day will focus on safety, tool use and techniques. With various
cost saving ideas thrown in. The rest of the day will focus on
projects they bring and need help with. Whether that is a stool
that needs re-glued, or help with a paint technique. Those that want
to try Mosaics will be set up with pots and scrap ceramics from Lowes.
If they want the Italian glass I use for my projects, it will cost them!
I am looking forward to meeting other creative people in my area.

I’m off to play this album loudly while I work.

I have never loved an entire album like this one.
Ok, maybe that isn’t true. But it rivals my other
deep musical loves nicely. Number 9 folks.
“Did I shout to all the Gods that I would love you beyond death… or more.”
Beautiful poetry. Melissa is amazing.

Jan just called, as I was typing.
She gently told me how much she enjoyed our “‘weekend”
She’s back on for another five at the hospital.
It was a wonderful weekend. We only see each other
for a few hours a night during her work week now.
Calls during the day are few as she is swamped all day.
On the weekend I try not to have anything heavy to do
because she will want to help. She really needs that down time.
We played video games, she watched her soap that is saved
up for her all week on the DVR while snuggled with the pups
as I did some work downstairs. One night she cooked for me,
the next, we cooked together. She bathed the dogs and
together we groomed Teddy.
It’s just life.
A good one. I adore it and her.

“Bout damned time”

Which was Jan’s reply when I told her
just now that I was blogging.
We all know that she posted once in
two years herself!

Interesting email day, I was called high maintenance
by a list member of “that list”. The same person I used
to count as a list “friend”. I just laughed.
She has no clue who I am.
————

I’m feeling such angst and empathy for my blogging
friend Rox who is going through too much death and
illness in her life right now.
Rox
I continue to think of her throughout my day.
————-

A while ago I wrote about finding an old friend through
People Search at the same time I found my father and his family.
We spoke and emailed a couple of times before she left
for a year traveling on the water! What a dream life huh?
The results of a life well lived. Retirement and freedom to do
such things.

L was an amazing teacher of mine, but so very much more
than that. I have loved her since I saw her small frame walking down
the high school corridor toward me when I was 16 years old.
I sat there knowing no one at this new place, feeling all the crap
teens do, but ten fold with the realization that I was gay at 16.
I knew just looking, who she was and how dangerous that was for her.
I fought for her, protected her life, loved her life.
Wanted to be adopted and treasured in the way she treasured
her children. And yes, there were thoughts of us being so much more.
A child’s crush that evolved into something beautiful for
all these years.

She is back, home, safe. Emailed me today.
My decision to not call as she was on this adventure came to me
as idiotic several times. Christmas, etc… But I am glad I did.
She is alive and well gratefully!

I have been feeling alone in the world lately with my decision to
let my family be toxic on their own. Her letter reminded me that
I am remembered, thought of, and may possibly be
someone others may wish to know. Still.
——————

Jan is cooking for me as lighting strikes outside… odd huh?
Her off days have changed to Thursday and Friday since resigning
from the Coroner’s office. We have had a productive day.
Errands and lunch out this morning. Teddy has been clipped and
she bathed all the dogs. I completed the laundry.
Oops, no I haven’t, there is a load of towels
that needs to be folded.

After her dinner.
She is calling me there now.
More another day.

((( ROX)))

update, dinner was delicious….
I meant to tell you all. I have heat in the studio space now!
I installed a vent just over my main work table and rerouted
the dryer duct (with a special attachment) to vent into the
space as well. No sense letting all that hot air escape when I need it.
Been working down there this week and all is great!
Pics in the flickr link.

Taking big bites of life

Most people who read here know that I started a
freecycle list in my area a couple of years ago.
It has over 500 members now!

Yesterday I started a sister list to it so that members
can get to know each other away from the confines of the
freecycle rule of no chatting. Chat Cafe’ Ringgold is now open.
It was requested by several members and well, why not?

I have also been thinking about teaching basic tool knowledge
to women out of my studio and will be moving forward with plans
for that asap. I posted a message today on both lists about it
and the response has been amazing so far. In 10 minutes 5 women
joined up! They also want art days.

A freecycle member named Barbara emailed and asked
if I wanted an art buddy! I don’t know her yet, but it sounds
good to me. Friends who have asked the same, never show up.

I’d love to have a free studio day once a month to teach,
assist with projects and learn from them as well. They will have
to bring any supplies they need. I cant supply all that too!

It is a way to give back and perhaps get my name out there
more readily. Often you have to give something first to get a
client! Or ten. In the future I hope to teach for cold hard cash!
But this is a way to get people to know I am here.
I’d still like to do the free day once a month for those who
cant afford it.

I feel so strongly about women being clueless when it
comes to home improvement and all that goes with it.

The first step has to be to get some heat in the basement
studio space! Something was stopping the garage door opener
from letting it close this morning and the door re-opened
after Jan left! She didn’t notice it as she drove off.
I noticed it an hour later when I walked the dogs.
It’s 19 degrees here today! In Georgia!

Needless to say, I wont be working in the studio today!

I weather proofed the garage door area trim gaps with
spray foam this summer, the garage doors are new
(two years old) so they are not the issue. But it is still
a block wall room with no insulation. If a kid would move
out I would be all set.

I need to go to Lowes and look for a duct system.
I cut into a duct and installed a register when I built
the kids rooms down there a few years ago.
(The heating system was installed with future
expansion of these rooms in mind, so it could handle
the added space of those rooms.) I am not sure about
the rest of the basement though.

But it stands to reason that if the floor under a space is warmer,
that the heater will run less even with the added duct.
The added duct wouldn’t trigger the thermostat because it is upstairs.
As it is now, my studio space is under our bedroom, (always cold too)

My heating system company would probably have a fit and tell me
it cant be done, But I have done it once before. They just
don’t know it. I would want it to shut off fully in the summer.
I just need heat damn it!
I may venture out later and see what is available.
—————-

A couple of weeks ago my CT at the hospital showed a hernia.
No telling how long that has been there, although no other ct
showed it before.

“A Hiatal hernia occurs when one part of the body protrudes
through a gap or opening into another part. A hiatal hernia
orms at the opening in your diaphragm where your food pipe
(esophagus) joins your stomach. Part of the stomach pushes
through this opening causing a hiatal hernia.Most small hiatal
hernias don’t cause problems, and you may never know you
have a hiatal hernia unless your doctor discovers it when
checking for another condition. But a large hiatal hernia can allow
food and acid to back up into your esophagus, leading to heartburn
and chest pain. Self-care measures or medications can usually relieve
these symptoms, although very large hiatal hernias sometimes need
surgical repair. “

I have all the fricking symptoms of a problem with this now.
I thought I was having chest pain, more severe reflux etc…
Seriously, I am so sick of me! No wonder I cant eat more than a
few bites at a time! But… the 60 pounds off is nice too.
damn, double damn. I’m not going to the doctor until I have to.
We simply cant afford it. I have upped my reflux meds and I am
eating only mild food in small amounts.

Not much else happening.
I am excited about 2008!
How about you?

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Ringgoldfreecycle/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/chatcaferinggold/