Just the facts…

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Because I have several new blogging friends…
I offer this recent piece I wrote for an old friend.

Getting to know me…again,

I think of things to say later that I wish I would have said
in the moment. I am amazingly articulate after the fact.

I worry that I am not enough.

As a parent I encouraged individuality and creativity.
I did not encourage sports.

Music is not just something I enjoy. It is vital to my life.

I am a closet drummer. In my dreams I am Karen Carpenter
in voice and skill.

I know every word to too many songs. My brain is crowded.

There is nothing better than being alone in my convertible
with the top down, driving through the country with the music
at full volume as I sing.

I regularly embarrass my children by drumming in public.

I am known among my friends to sneak breast peeks.
Not consciously, but my eyes will wander.
I’m rarely embarrassed by that fact.

I enjoy a good clean soft butch woman with ample
breasts. But her heart is what excites me.

No matter how many times I am told differently,
I will still believe my art is sub-par.

Hallmark commercials make me cry.

I am rarely shocked by a situation, life style,
or the choices of others.

People in my life wish for me not to be angry with them,
I am not volatile, but disrespect will be pointed out.

I enjoy making people laugh until they ache.

I am happily monogamous with my spouse…and yet,
I am not dead. I find certain women utterly appealing.

I can not live without, art, gardening, bodies of water,
reading and writing.

If I have loved you, that will remain true throughout
your life time. There is no shut off valve within me.

I could never be ashamed of leaving my female spouse
to marry a man. At the time, my family’s acceptance
of me was vital.

My children are all that is good from that time.

I am more honest with my children than any other parent
I know. When I am wrong I apologize. I expect the same
from them in return.

We have frank conversations that shock their friends.

These children make me proud of who they have become daily.

Grey hair and what time does to skin is fascinating.

Make up and lipstick completely turn me off for myself
and on others.

When my Pekingese died after 17 years together.
I felt as if I had lost the only long term friend I had.

I didn’t know for four years that my spouse has a
fascination with the number 7. I find that extremely odd.

I was sexually abused throughout my early childhood.
I let that rule my life for a long time.

I made a promise to my children long ago that we
would always live in the same home and school district.
May 2008, that promise will have been fulfilled.

I have recently lost 50 pounds and can not see it.
I am secretly proud of myself.

I had perfect eyesight until I started having orgasms
on a regular basis. At that point I needed Tri-Focals.

Those that know me would find the above statement,
“just like something Annie would say”

When I finally faced past abuse issues, the name
Carol Ann became something I could no longer
hear myself being called. I killed her off happily.

When I was 16, I met a woman who changed my life.
I fell deeply in love with her. I secretly wanted her to
teach me all she knew. I never told her. But I think she knew.

Sometimes if feels like this, to be so open.
I can live no other way.