Grandpa Phil

My grandmothers name was Evelyn Geerlings.
Remarried from the Schultz clan after her first husband died.
Or maybe they divorced, I cant remember.
They were a hard drinking German family. My ancestors.
Grandpa Frank Schultz had a peg leg and beat my grandmother
regularly with it. I never met Frank Schultz.

Grandpa Geerlings was Phil. A step grandfather technically,
but the only one I ever knew. The only male adult figure
who never hurt me. He was a tall man with broad shoulders
and big calloused hands. A hugger, a laugher, a gentle giant
of a man. He took his teeth out to eat and put them in a
jelly jar right there on the kitchen table. It wouldn’t have
mattered if the president was visiting, Grandpa would never
put on a show for him, his teeth would have still been in that
jar as he ate.

They lived in the tiny town of Pullman Michigan
(about half a hour away from my mothers home later in Holland).
Mom always said as we drove in “don’t blink or you will miss it”
She was right, it was that small. A one stop light kind of town.

Their home sat right next to the train tracks. At first those trains
were very loud and the way they caused the house to shake
was a worry to me. But after a short while, those trains were
a comfort. As they rumbled through, I mentally jumped aboard
and dreamed of escaping to some unknown place. I still love
the rumble of a train.

The tiny house was a tar papered facade cottage the first time
I remember seeing it. They were putting new siding on, so it didn’t
remain tar paper, but for that little girl, it was just sad to see what
little my own grandparents had. Even as a young child I knew these
people were poor. I learned then that what a home looks like is
less important than what they strive for.

There are those people who see the disrepair and leave it,
and others who work on it as the money allows. My grandparents
always cared very much and tried to do as much as they could.
Grandpa was a carpenter. He rode a motorcycle to work most days
and when we visited from Cali, I was the lucky kid that got to go
with him to see where he was working that day. I remember once
we went to a large home on Lake Michigan. We sat in a 2×4 framed room
in an upper floor eating lunch out of a metal lunch box that Gram had
packed for us. Our feet dangling over the edge of what would one day
be an impressive window. All of it frightening and exciting at the same
time. Grandpa Phil stared out at the water as if he was lost in it.

He seemed at peace there, in this home he was building that he would
never have been able to afford. It was his creation and you could see
his pride in it. I loved going to work with him, helping where I could.
Even if only to hand him things. It was where I would choose to be
every time rather than go along with siblings and cousins to play.

As the work day was finished Grandpa would drive back to Pullman
and stop at the only pub there. It was the first time I had been in a bar.
I crawled up the tall stool next to my great big grandfather and looked at
him with such pride. He turned and handed me a dime for the coke machine.
It was my first coke machine. (they call it pop) and I didn’t know how to
use it. The bartender asked Grandpa where he had picked me up;
inferring that I was a stray he had brought home.

Grandpa laughed and said, “This is my Carol Ann all the way from California
to see me. I’m teaching her to be my apprentice, she is my favorite.”
Then he turned to me and put his fingers to his lips and whispered
“don’t tell the others”. I never did.

I would imagine those special times with him are a part of how I came
to love working with wood. The smells, the ability to make anything with it.
My grandfather taught me well. Working wood shops still draw me in.
The piles of saw dust waiting to be touched. Stains and smells to
excite the senses. It all reminds me of him and those wonderful hot
days helping him there on that lake. One day I will own the kind of
house he so longed for on a lake somewhere. I must.

Spring is coming to my house, more pictures in flickr

Remembering the dream

I don’t know what’s up.
Things may be looking up in the world of this starving artist.

I spent the most part of last year wracked with guilt
over my lack of income for this household.
Long time readers know the hell these past two years
have brought to us and to me personally.
From being fired in Feb. 2006 to striking out on my own in
redesign and staging only to realize that it is too soon for this
rural area. The money spent on supplies could make one ill.

I enjoyed some success with the tribute writing company
that I worked for until they too realized, it was not as marketable
as they thought. Those months of writing about people I
had never met and also about celebrities I had long admired
were so joyful to me. I still enjoy taking on new essay assignments
when they come my way. I will always be a writer.

Then there was the cartoonist that really was an amazing artist,
but a crazy man. I was paid well for a while, but I am still owed
1000.00 I will never see. (yes I took him to court and won)
He has moved away, interestingly I hear he went to Michigan.
That too was a great month for the most part. I enjoyed
working with his images and products for his e-store very much.
His ex partner called me a while back and wanted to know if I had
any of the images. I told him no. I know he was screwed over by him
too but I have to retain something in order to maybe one day see
that man again. My first thought was that it was the cartoonist having
this man help him get his stuff back before he left town.
I believe it was a wise move on my part.

Since then I have been doing a few home redesign projects for
clients and making art, but as I said, not a lot of money.
When those moments have been too much to take emotionally Jan will say,
“Next year Annie, it will be your year, I just know it.”
I am hoping she is right! Signs point in that direction.
Last month I was honored to be asked to be interviewed by two sites
and also asked to submit the Super Star piece for an on line store gallery.
(It is convention time so most of these are on hold until everyone
is back in town) The interest is what matters to me.
My name is being spread and in a good way for a change! LOL

Last night an amazingly gifted artist friend wrote me.
She has seen the unfinished Ballerina and is interested in buying it.
It is not finished! How cool is that? To know already that she must have it?
She said she wanted to be first in line for it. You have no idea what those
words mean to me.

One month after being fired I wrote this of wanting to have time
to create and find me in the process.

Picture-and-dream-sharing
Funny to see the mannequin that started it all
so undressed and only a fabulous idea at the time.
(Not to mention our old ugly furniture!)

Jaded wrote this in the comments of that post…
“It’s hard and it’s definitely frightening to jump feet first into the
world of the self-employed. We really scraped by for the first year,
but since then, money hasn’t been an issue. I truly believe that if
you follow your passion, the money will come. Do what you love,
what makes your spirit sing, and God will provide.
It might take a bit of struggling, but it will all work out.”

I am a sap and in tears at how true her words have turned out to be.
I am grateful, for it all and to all of you who love and support my dreams.

Saturday musing

Good news for our friends Aimee and Krista,
they are expecting their first baby!
Aimee is carrying Krista’s egg fertilized with
donor sperm. They found a doctor in Atlanta
who worked with them for some time now and
at much expense to accomplish this dream.
They wanted the baby to be a part of them both.
Not sure yet, how many babies as it is too soon.
They implanted 7 or 8. It has been a long road
for them and we are so happy it is working out this way.

Our own try was for a year, and halted due to health issues
for Jan. We talked about that this morning, we would now have
an eight year old child in our home had it worked out.
In the end I was left with a sense of failure in that process.
I know intellectually that I have no ability to impregnate my
spouse but the failure to do so weighed heavy. For Jan it
was that it was her health that stopped us and as such, her fault.
We almost lost each other then. This blog was started after all
of that and has been such a non-topic for too long because it
was so hard. I will enjoy sharing this time with Aimee and Krista.
As little as two years ago, I couldn’t have said that. I gave them
all my lesbian baby making books a while ago and we were officially
named Aunt’s to their future child.
Godspeed to them all.

——————————-
Our friend J who adopted the last pup, we called Pocket,
mainly to drive her husband out of the house finally and forever;
has found that their mutual adoration of this puppy has helped
them fall back in love with each other. Amazing stuff happening
right here in my world.

———————————
Laura wrote and asked how I came to live this life of a working artist.
She seems highly impressed by my work, which is still odd to me.
I search replies for a lie but there are none. She would have stayed
silent rather than harm me with negative words, but she is not silent.
Very vocal in fact. Nothing is taken at face value yet for me,
I’m working on it folks.

I’m sure she is sorry she asked now. I do tend to be wordy when I
am passionate about a topic. For me art has always been about listening
to what I need. I believe bodies and minds tell us what we need.
From food to activities we enjoy. Listening to that clearly is what I call
living the life my soul intended. There are times when those desires
must be put away, I did that when parenting young children and all that
entails took up every spare moment. As one should. But I also put
it away because I lacked the strength to fight for me.

When I was laughed at I responded not with fight, but with cowering
agreement. You are right I said silently, I suck at this, here, throw it away.
Yet in secret I would draw and write. Each home was scouted for those
private spaces to be me. I cursed my brother for finding my sketch pads
and journals and sharing them with others. I burned them in reply.
I never shared another thing until I handed Laura a poem I wrote years ago.
She was the first person to honestly say, you have talent, don’t waste it.
But I never lived it fully until Jan allowed me the time to do so this past year.

I allowed that need to shine in home decor and decorative painting
throughout my life. There was always a project to challenge and learn
from. My gardens reflect that need, my canvas of seedlings and mulch.
Murals, gifts, volunteer projects with friends. All of it enjoyable but never
the working day to day of creating something as a profession.
When we are having our weekend time, (now Thursday and Friday)
I crave my space towards the end. I look forward to Saturday when I know
I will be able to spend the day there with my latest piece.

I could never paint a portrait, I doubt I can do it in glass, but someday
I will try to do that. I’m not a portrait artist, I don’t do faces well.
Or as well as I would like, but I can now say that it doesn’t matter.
Long ago I believed if you said artist, you had to excel at portraiture.
I know now that the word encompasses many art forms and mediums.
That knowledge was lost to me then, which allowed me to agree when
I was ridiculed. But in the bigger picture with the reality of it all, I soar.

The lesson is to keep trying that new thing, to find where your strengths
lie. Let it be okay that you bought all those supplies for an art form and
you are just not any good at it, or it holds no interest to you.
Try the next thing you seem attracted to. Someday it will find you.
Then you are living the life your soul intended.

——————————-

In a funny but possibly off color moment at the bar the other night.
Our dear friend Katrina (straight) sat with Jan and I was turned sideways to
watch the guitar player do his work. I was evidently drumming on my thigh.
Nothing new, my hands move along to music, my head, everything feels it.
I am rarely aware that I am doing it. Anyway, I heard laughing and turned to
ask what I missed and Katrina was staring at my hands as she said
“I was just telling Jan that you were well hung.”
Needless to say the whole table erupted into laughter.
I should have said something truly clever about what these hands can do
but I was sort of beet red at the time and just said, “yes ‘ em, I is”.

Interesting to note, she is recently divorced and doing without.
I find it amusing when this happens, straight women who want to be
attractive to lesbians just to say they are. I suggested she may be
batting for the wrong team and made her laugh. She just wanted
someone to tell her she is still desirable. Been there too.

Have a great weekend!
Off to get some work done.

————————————————————–
Evening update, I am loving this!

Bigger here,

This is what I have been listening to this week:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbjOttMoaHw
The Road Less Traveled.

Mary Mary

Jan worked in the yard today. I should have helped more
than I did, but she wasn’t upset about it or anything.
She actually came home from work ill yesterday and
I suggested waiting. But she wanted to see how she
felt out there. Of course she loved it and I joined
her for the pruning, or the collection of the remnants anyway.
John Paul and Kate are cleaning up the last bits with Parker.
He volunteered! Hil is at work. we have most of the pruning
finished, I just need to weed beds a bit more and lay mulch.
It’s 75 degrees here today. I apologize to those still shoveling snow.

I rubbed it in when Laura called to say the package
had arrived. I hope safely. She couldn’t open it to check
because Ginger was not home. I kind of laughed at her,
okay, really I returned her call just to laugh at her not being
able to open it. I thought a gentle ribbing on the weather
was called for as well. I’m sure the tray is fine I packed it
heavily in foam and peanuts.

I’m taking Jan out to dinner for all her hard work today.
We need to pick up a few things at the store and then we
will have tomorrow off to do nothing but watch it rain.
Because it always rains after we mow for some reason.
Kind of like when we wash the cars. Which we also need to do.

——————-
Jaded posted something about her godmother and I have been
thinking about my own since then. Her name was Mary Evert
and she was my mothers best friend for all her adult years.
Mary lived one street over in our neighborhood in San Jose.
She was a single parent too with several kids. Susan was
her youngest child and my age. She liked my sister Dawn much
better than me, but we were always pushed together due to our
ages. In time we became friends because I was always at her house.
Even later when they moved to another side of town, I was
often there. My mother and I butted heads often, even as a young girl
somehow we couldn’t live together very long without problems.
So I would go to my friend Doreen’s house or I was sent to Mary’s
for a few weeks.

I have written about Mary here before years ago, but I never wrote what
having her in my life meant to me. That second parent for all my life.
One who never hurt or abused me in any way. She was my protector.

Later when mom had disowned me for 6 years with no contact, Mary
searched for me and showed up at my door in Florida. She had been living
in Winter Park and I was at Jax Beach. She had been in contact with my mom
and had been working with her on letting me back into her life, gay or not.
I’ll never forget what she did.

She was a large woman, salt and pepper hair and a hearty honest laugh.
Always ready to pull you into a long warm hug.
When we left California and moved to Michigan, Mary and her brood
came along. Mary’s mother’s health was failing and she was moving
home to Chicago to be with her. We filled our garage with her items and
ours as we awaited the day to load it all into u-hauls for the trip.
Mary encouraged Mom to leave my step father there. I remember a
loud discussion when my mother let her know that he would be coming
along.

I am grateful that in her final years we had become friends.
Two adults, instead of a parent and child.
Thanks Jaded for sparking those memories of a truly special woman
in my life.

cleaning house

I cleaned today, just everything.
You know the stuff you think is a great idea to put over
your kitchen cabinets? Decorative stuff, but also, things
you use once a year or so. For me it is oversize stainless
mixing bowls. I mean like, industrial sized ones.
And a collection of white plates and pitchers.
It shows well on my red kitchen walls.

Like these:

and these, see those massive mixing bowls?

So those need washed, once a month or so.
I did all that, and laundry for days. Then I dusted and
cleaned the baths.
John Paul vacuumed really well and cleaned his room.
Hilary cleaned the heck out of her room and bird cage.
They both did all their laundry too. It felt good.
I needed to clean more than the house.
My brain needed a break from me.
———————————

Tom and Linda sent these to us for Easter.

There are no accidents. I have been missing Holland,
and my family. We still have friends there too and an
extended family of aunts, uncles and cousins. Most
of them once thought highly of me, until my siblings filled
their heads with my sins. Though some may still, I am too
afraid to know. So anyway, the tulips were a lovely gift and
most welcome.
——————————-

Mosaic workshop day tomorrow and every Wednesday
from now on. I am enjoying giving back just a bit in this way
locally. I have been a volunteer moderator for over 10 years
with the Womens Space mailing list I founded and the last three
years as mod of the local freecycle list. But this is the first
actual face to face contact I have had and it is nice.
I didn’t know if I could do it, I tend to be shy, even if I know
what I am talking about. I trip over words and blush.
Especially if I wish to impress. So I had to talk to myself
before that first day and just made myself relax about it.
It worked and all has gone amazingly well.

———————————

Jan and I had a strained conversation this morning from work.
We ended it on a low note. Throughout the day I just felt so
damned alone and the cleaning is always a result of that.
Usually I change the furniture around too, so everyone
got off lucky actually. By the time Jan got home I was
in the kitchen cooking dinner. Even her usual,
“I’m on the way home” call was distant. I left it be
but was just sick and tired of the lead in my stomach.

With no plan in mind to do so, when she walked in I just
looked at her and blurted, “are you okay? are we okay?
I miss my friend”.

She just about fell into me and stayed that way for a long time.
We will be fine, that was never in doubt. There comes a time
when you must put whatever hurt you feel aside and find the
woman you fell in love with. Through what she did and what
you did. To allow that a lesson was learned and just let it
end already.

That’s not to say that it was or is easy, or forgotten.
But who we are is more than this one thing.
Time is precious and I missed my best friend.

Making up is hard to do.

So, we talked, and talked, and cried and said I’m sorry.
Both of us, for what we did, what we lack and what we
helped along negatively.
She didn’t get it, really didn’t see the problem with what
she did. Said she didn’t apologize for me, but explained.
I see no difference in the two when it comes to business.
She now agrees. We hurt each other, my part was in
writing it here, but she wouldn’t have me lie or not write it
because that is what I do, but all the same it hurt to see
it typed here. We went to bed better but needing repair.
Both of us willing to do the work it takes to do just that.
She is amazingly kind and gentle. I know she thought she
was helping. She now understands that line to not cross better.
We both do. We aren’t fine yet, much came up from
this that needs worked through. Time to do that would be good.

——————————–
Hil is going to prom with a girl friend who did not have a date.
She will be fine.
——————————–

I get these in my email everyday by choice.
Often they make me think all day.
This one in particular hits home.

“Our feelings and our thoughts have energy,
so what we are feeling on the inside shows on the outside,
even if we say nothing.”
Secrets of the Golden Spiral pgs 346
Wisdom Master Maticintin
Copyright 2008 HUMUH
———————————

Working on a vase, just using scrap bits left over from the tray.
Working on the first “women in motion” piece. These
should be fast pieces, not month long projects.
Although I love those too.
I sealed and oiled the tray yesterday to send today.
Jan found me a box and I am all set to mail it out.
After I pack it! If I can! I have nothing to send to Laura (yet).
I am working on something small but meaningful.
She is discussing back lighting the tray in some place of honor, please!
No way. It is an art piece, yes, but it is not fragile or so revered
as to not ever touch it or use it. How sad would that be.

People use the word masterpiece to describe it and it bothers me.
What do I have to work towards if that is true?
No masterpieces here. I am sure seasoned mosaic artists would
pick this tray to death. But my heart is in it and it is my
best work yet. So I am thrilled! It is more than enough.
—————————————-

I’m currently judging 25 entries for a mosaic competition.
The etsy street team of mosaic artists is hosting it.
The top prize is really good! So I feel a real seriousness in the process.
I am judging with another mosaic artist that I have never had contact with
and like her very much. We have agreed on several items and totally
disagreed on others. Very interesting. Later tonight we will
make our final choices. I’ll put a link here later when the winners have
been announced. Here’s the main site http://www.etsy.com/index.php
I’ll be opening my own shop there soon.

off to the post office.
But, maybe I should pay bills and do some banking first.
yuck!

Disappointment Monday.

Brandon called Hil at midnight last night.
The night before she is supposed to buy her prom ticket.
He told her he has a new girlfriend and will be taking her
to the prom instead of Hilary.
My daughter is devastated. She has the dress, the purse.
No date and all her friends have dates. She said she was
going decide what to do at school today. Maybe she can
go with her gay friend Glen. I’m so pissed.
Just so angry and sad for her.

Jan and I are in the midst of a silent squabble.
She took it upon herself to call the framing client and pretty
much apologized for me not knowing how to professionally
cut the mats. I am pissed and need time away from her right
now. It screams desperation to me. Her desperate need to
please everyone and also to make me succeed all on her own.

I have no response, no desire to enter this fight.
I am so far from what she believes I am.
I only know I can not be the amazing do everything
and anything perfectly person she believes I am.

That’s all I have to say.
Those that read and wish the worst for me,
should have a good day today. Congrats.

L sent an e-card and loving letter for easter.
I’m going to get some work done and forget angst for a while.

Anklets and expectations

Update on the framing project.
They have now found a poem they want to use.
They didn’t say if it was in place of the essay or in addition to,
I don’t really care at this point as they results of the interview
questions were lacking in being able to help me write anything
about this man.

I sent the whole mess back with Jan today to let them get
the matting cut. (now 10 windows total for the two mats)
If they want help with putting it all together I will do that ONLY.
I am not going to take a day out of my life to learn a new skill
with a tool that cost me 40 bucks to make about 20 dollars off
the whole thing. People suck really.
———————————

I finished the grouting and will clean and seal the tray tomorrow.
I am sad as this is my most accomplished piece so far
and I would love to share that excitement with Laura.
We are distant right now and I can not. It is because of me.
I pulled away because I felt slighted. I EXPECTED her to care
enough to ask about my family, learn who I shared my life with.
When days had passed recently unusually quiet from her area
of the world I worried and wrote to ask if they were alright.
She wrote me about how busy they are… no time or place for
me in her life is what I felt and heard.
And I pulled away. Yes Rox! expectations!

Now the happiness I feel at giving this wonderful piece of art
can not be shared. It has lost it’s feel good quality and I fear
it will be the last contact Laura and I have for some time.
I have been in tears about it. I have not called or written her.
I seem to fuck up everything lately. At the same time,
those feelings of her not really giving a crap about my life
and the people in it remain. Expectations….

Expectations… banging my head on the wall here.
The most important person from my life then and I fucked it up
with my expectations. I can not just let it be what it is.
Ever. And so I send this tray in sadness, not the happiness I
wanted to feel. I love her to bits and mourn it all.

—————————————
It’s easter and I don’t care. Should I attend a church that would
rather me live a lie when I am with them? I cant.

The kids are going to their grandparents tonight for the family dinner.

No easter baskets this year, though we did buy a few chocolates
and a bucket for the table. I always hid their baskets,
because my mother did. Mom had a huge easter egg hunt every
year. Easter was always the kick off point for mom’s party season.
Even if snow was still on the ground, she had an easter egg hunt
and massive party for everyone she knew. She hid the plastic eggs
with candy and 50 cent pieces in them. The kids always loved
her house at holidays.

Shortly after Easter we prepared for the big party at Tulip time
in Holland MI. I lived 15 minutes away in Zeeland MI, Mom
lived on the parade route in Holland so her house was a prime
location for a party on the day of the parade. Family
came in from all over and it was a week long party time.
I miss her so much today.

I sit and think of all those times and forget the hell that was also
so much a part of her. She shone at this time of year. You heard
about her sacrifices later of course, because she gave and then
regretted the work those parties took and was vocal about it.
We wanted to scream at her to stop doing it then!
But we never would, Mom was to be feared, you didn’t disagree
with her.
———————————–
I was reminded of lace anklet socks last night at dinner.
Friends left early to run to the store to make sure their
little girl had her socks for Easter at church. I remember.
I wrote about it here, ages ago, the time a car with a man
at the wheel pulled to a stop on our street in San Jose.
This man took my sister and I to a store and bought us
the dresses, hats, socks, shoes, slips and little white patent
leather purses for Easter. I don’t know who he was.
It was probably one of my mom’s boyfriends.
I loved those socks the best.
————————————

Kate did get the tattoo, it is huge!
I thought it would be about a quarter in size, but it
is much larger. It fills her wrist area. I hate it. She has
a teardrop shaped Peace sign on her lower back that is
fine, but this thing is large and very black! Yuck!

So there you have it, as honest as I get.
I suck as a friend and I am having a shitty day with myself.

But I do wish you all a wonderful Easter !

Inspiration

I have been thinking about this new series non stop
for the last week or so. I kept looking at this rough cut
foam substrate I made and wanted to add the bird
picture that Laura sent a while back to it.
I thought the rough nature would suit it, and it would.
But it is too big for the delicate bird. I had also played with
the idea of doing three dancers a while back and even printed
silhouettes for them. But it wasn’t really what I wanted to say.
So, besides the ballerina I am now doing, these images will also
be altered to say what I am wanting to with this series.

What a beautiful figure, and flow of lines, women are.
I want each to be on this foam substrate and
each to have several unifying themes, each will have the sun
causing the silhouette, whether they are in front of a window or
on the shore with the sunset causing the shadow.
No features, no shading, just the background will provide the color.
I cant wait to start.
Jan is going to plaster wrap the cut foam for me.
Then thinset is applied to get it ready to mosaic on.
But today I am grouting the tray!!
——————————————–

I took a picture of Jan in her glasses but it washed out
very purple with glare from the window on them, so you’ll
have to wait to see how sexy she is in them
The new transitions tinting is fab!
Her other glasses were brown even inside.
These go amazingly clear! Thank goodness.
I can see her eyes again!

Mine are doing ok, having trouble finding the new
areas in the lens that do certain things for me.
Like typing and reading the monitor.
They are super for the close work in mosaic though
and that was my complaint to him. I suppose
it will just take time to learn again how to tilt my head LOL
———————————————

We met Jan’s friend at Hobby Lobby yesterday to see
about buying a frame and mat for these two pictures she
wanted all put together because she had no clue.
My info was, two pictures, in a frame, write a small essay
about the dad in the picture. No problem. Do it often!

We get there and all of a sudden four people are standing
around me talking at once about what they want and how
and what color. One of those people happens to be a snot
nosed brat teen. So the new info is,
two pictures one 8×10 laid landscape fashion.
One 5×7 upright. 16x 20 frame, 3d matting,
(two mats raised slightly above each other. )
Custom Cut with four windows in the two mats
1/4 inch difference for the shading. One mat blue, one green.
They bought a shadow box frame for it. They don’t need the
depth of it.
The other two windows in the matting are for my essay
and a last name window printed in the font of the snot nosed
brats choosing and she wants gold ink. WTF!
I have no gold ink. If I had gold ink I wouldn’t live in this tiny
house with three grown kids. My ass would be sitting at the
beach.

I am seriously going to kill Jan.
OH! I didn’t tell you the best part.
I have to cut these mats and have never done this before!
I bought a tool… LOL we shall see.
I feel like telling them to get it framed, or at least get
someone else to cut the mat. I seriously don’t think I can
do this. And honestly for the small amount she can pay,
I don’t want to.

Have a great Saturday.
Dinner and drinks with friends for us tonight.
(damn that means I’ll have to make sure I wear gloves
when I grout today…ugly nails aren’t appealing!)

Should be fun to see everyone!

(updated)
Grouted the tray see it HERE
Still needs a final shine and seal.

Friday again.

Jan took Kate to work last night and went in
to buy a few things. After Kate rang her up
and Jan paid, Kate said, Thank You Ma’am
instead of a more personal goodbye.
It kind of hurt Jan’s feelings.
She asked me when she got home if Kate was ashamed to
have two mom’s at work. My immediate response was NO!
Kate has always happily been open about her parents.

So I asked Kate this morning when I picked her up and
she was upset that Jan would have thought that. She
explained that once she is at work she is in work mode.
Those phrases that work makes us say get stuck there.
It was just habit and not a slight to Jan.
I figured as much but it brought up that conversation,
the reality is when a parent is gay, the kids have to decide
whether or not to be “out” as well.

My life makes life harder for them, or could in the future.
How soon do you tell a potential date that you have two
mothers? What if you work for homophobic people and have
to hide the truth of your family.

The kids have many friends and they are always here.
They are well aware that Jan and I are partners and have
never batted an eye at it. The kids took care of letting
people at school know about their mom’s years ago.
Now that new people are met as young adults. They have
that decision to make each time. How much to tell and when.

Each of my children are outspoken and opinionated, so I
don’t think it will be an issue in general. I hope that they
never have to choose to live a lie with someone they have
fallen in love with, or their family. I would hope that their
choices would automatically remove any person who was
a phobe.

———————————
Hil went to Mary’s for a sleep over. No school today
around here. I don’t remember having this many days off
of school when I was young. She laughed and joked at dinner
last night. She is getting there. I haven’t heard if she will still
be going to prom with him. She did say that they ate breakfast
together and he was miserable, it was awkward. They have a
whole group that hung out together and now it is changed.
They will all be fine.

————————————–
Off to shower and hopefully they will call soon and tell me to
come and get my glasses. Then we have to wake Kate to
go to Chattanooga as she needs to go to a tattoo place and
set up an appointment for a tattoo. John Paul promised
her a tattoo for her birthday. They are supposed to go tomorrow
to get it done. A 45 record adapter. On her wrist. Sigh.
—————————————

Art day went well again. I really just played while they
worked. Playing with the bits from the tray I added them to that
vase in the picture and then sketched this new piece. It will be a
series of women in motion.

Zoe has been ripping a part all Lil’ Bit’s stuffed toys.
Just yanking the stuffing out of them all over the fricking floor!
We bought me a box of t-shirt cleaning rags at lowes and I tied
a knot in one and gave it to Zoe. She carries that thing around
like it is the best gift ever! All that money on toys for each of
them (and there are many toys to choose from) and I could have
just tied a knot in a rag!

Have a great Friday.

(Kate signed up for driving lessons. One drive with Jan told
Jan what I knew and was so frustrated by earlier this month.
Kate is no where near ready to be behind the wheel.
Especially with people she worries about disappointing.
She needs a person who’s job it is to teach her.
She paid for it last night and starts in April.)

New glasses! And I cant see shit!

But I like them and the sunglasses that I got are too cool!.
It will be fine in a couple of days.
Everything is just odd right now.
(my hair looks like crap, but we were driving
with the top down on my car for the first time this year!)