Friends and children

Hilary is in Gatlinburg Tennessee. (two hours away)
Her and the entire show choir are celebrating.
They won their final competition, first place
state wide!!!
It is the one she has worked so hard on lately.
She has lost 30 pounds in the process too.
She was just screaming on the phone, so happy.
I adore it when my kids are ecstatic! She will be
home tomorrow night.

Kate dropped the “I’m moving out on my own” bomb again.
Those that have read here a while will know that this comes
up periodically. The last time, she actually did leave and moved
to Atlanta with friends for six months. But she slept on their
couch, never moved a thing out of her room. Never looked
for a job really. Just drank a lot of coffee and rode the
subway for six months until her money ran out.

This time she put in for a job transfer, the store is four blocks
from her apartment. She will be sharing it with her friend Carie.
Carie and Ryan broke up and he is moving away. Kate will take
over his portion of the rent and utilities. It sounds like this time
it may be for real. I refuse to feel angst over any of it.
It is a good thing. The last time this came up, she had just come
home and we had once again pulled her out of a financial mess.
This time I told her she better be sure, because her room was
soon to be turned into something else. Meaning, she isn’t going to
go off and party for six months again and then move home when
the money is gone. Moving back here has to be a last resort.

I will allow that she has grown and changed this past year.
I have all the hope in the world for her. She acted scared when
she told us at dinner the other night. Sure I would be angry.
The last time she told us all this (and it never happened)
we had just decided to allow me to work on my art at home.
Finances were tight and her rent was needed. Two kids pay
200 a month rent for their rooms/board now that they are over
20 and not going to college any time soon. (Not Hilary as she is
college bound) That money has been handy but hardly life altering
or of any real help considering the expense of people in ones home.
So she told us the other night and sat waiting for my objection.
I had none. Go!! was what I thought but I actually let her stew
in it and said nothing much at all. I am so mean!
I finally talked to her about it all last night. She is very excited
and really seems to have her head on straight this time.

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Let me describe our back yard; in order to
set the stage for this next tid bit of riveting news.
Think a 45 degree steep down hill grade. Large but unusable.
We have a few trees out there, grape vines and a lot of
grass to mow. We live in a neighborhood but these hills are
filled with streams and dry creek beds in the gulley’s of the hills.
Lovely really, surrounded by woods which get more dense as
the years pass. Our backyard is now surrounded by a thick
grove of woods. Leaving our second story deck off
the kitchen pretty well private.

We laid out yesterday to get a bit of sun on our very white
bodies. I wore one of my new suits, scary sight really.
Jan put a towel over the glass front door and left a note
for the kids that read. (they were out shopping)
“Do Not come in this way, we are naked on the deck.”
I swear, my shy spouse stripped and laid out there nude!
Now, one would think, since I am the instigator of most sexual
activity around here that I would have taken advantage of the
whole situation. Alas I am also as old as dirt and have stomach
issues that kept me miserable all afternoon.
So lets review.

My shy spouse grows some balls and lays prone and nude on
my secluded deck. (My God she was beautiful there too.)
But, I can do nothing about that fine sight.
Life sucks I tell you!

——————————–
Laura and G are in boat mode.
Preparing it for their winter trips. Very busy, too busy really
for their age of 63 probably. But it seems to make them
happy and keep them well. Laura sent more pictures and
newspapers of the area. Still wanting us to come I guess.

I could have written her about Paula or any number of
happenings around here. I could have used her ear and
shoulder several times. But I don’t feel like it is there.
I don’t think she has much interest in it.

Maybe what she has learned of me has only told her that
she doesn’t want to know me. My life is crazy and not the
peaceful existence she shares with G.

Today will be the day she happens by here, and will be
hurt that I should be so openly honest.
How dare I be real here in my space. But I do dare.
Because I am sick of not being real here now.
But really, I cant win either way.
It was never about quantity. Just quality replies.

——————————
On another front, my two students often tell me how poor
they are. Each visit, at least twice they tell me this.
They use most all of my supplies, though they do bring rocks
and their own items to do mosaic on. Jill did buy a bit of glass
the last time we went. But for the most part, my studio,
my supplies, tools, glue, grout, etc… My time free to them.

I ordered Leps (nipping tool, 22 dollars) for Jill because she
is so poor. She will pay for them as she can. But yesterday
I get an email saying she isn’t going to be in town to come
and pick them up. They are off to Atlanta until Monday.
hmmm three days in Atlanta when I was told they have no car
that will make the trip. I need to be less giving and more
selfish I think. Maybe they got their money from george w.
Jan did. I have not, yet, as I had to paper file.
———————————

So I’m pretty sure someone pissed in my corn flakes today.
But I don’t feel angst over any of it.
Sort of resigned to it all.

I am feeling fine, I gained 4 pounds since the old
gallbladder came out and food is good again.
So I need to be more cautious now.
And exercise more, which I have also let slide.
Depression maybe.. you think?

pfft, I’ll make art and work through it.
It’s all good. Maybe it’s just time to stand up for
me. To say what is real for ME. To not worry what
will happen because of my being real and asking for
what I need. I am a fine person. Their loss.
———————————–

Off to pay bills and such, have a great one all.

Congrats Hilary, I am so proud of you!
All of you; you did it!!!!