A Drowning…

Before we left for this happy holiday I mentioned
a rainbow umbrella I saw and wanted, that we probably
needed for my car and this trip. Jan bought it for me on
a Walmart run. Today, she dropped it in the fricking ocean!

We were on a pier at a marina and heading for a
great seafood place there, well we saw a dolphin in the water.
She sat the umbrella down to get the camera…leaning it
against the rail. Soon after I heard a splash and Hilary was
laughing like mad. It did the whole titanic sinking bit.
On it’s side, then vertical, then slowly bubbled as the fish below
got an unexpected gift. We about peed our pants watching it go.
There was no getting it back except to jump in and I was too
hungry to go for a swim!
Good Bye….

One umbrella 11.00, watching it sink, worth much more in laughs.

We walked around the tourist area today. It rained for a while,
then stopped and turned into a great evening for a stroll…
But then…we did forget that at some point you have to walk
back too! Shit it was a walk of about two miles back to the car lot!
I am tired, these people are wearing me right the hell out.
They are all collapsed on the beds as I type. I loved it all.

Tomorrow we are leaving early for Savannah. Hilary wants to see
it with us and then with Katrina’s daughter Krissy and friends later
this week too. SCAD (Art and design college Hil wants in)
is there and we want to walk around there too. So we have decided
to forego the Fernandina Beach part of the journey and go straight to
Savannah, then to the Tybee cottage later tomorrow (Tuesday) night.
It is supposed to be just a few hours from here, but we do tend to get
side tracked. No hurry though, so it’s all good.

We have also decided to save 200 dollars and not go kayaking.
Jan and I will stay at the cottage for time alone and Hilary will
go with them for the trip. It’s just a three hour guided tour.
Jan and I just really want a few hours alone.

Amazingly we are getting about 28 miles to the gallon on my car.
Pretty good so far. It now holds about $45.00 in gas… used to be 18.00.
But we budgeted for it and are fine.
I found Jan a gift today and she did the same for me. Not a souvenir
really, but art pieces we both liked as we saw them. I even “let” her buy
a T-shirt LOL She has at least 50 of them remember and my complaining
about that happens twice a year as we get out seasonal clothes.
Now here I am adding to the problem! (I got one too)
Hey they were on sale for 5 dollars! Not those paper thin things either.

Off to rest my feet. These two forgot that I just turned 49!
Almost as old as dirt I think.

(more pictures in both of our flickr accounts)

Stop two…

Morning. We are in St Augustine now.
Since yesterday around one pm.
We made this reservation on line two months ago.
Well Jan did. We are very disappointed that the hotel is
not on water. The website carefully worded the information…
“on the beach” with beautiful scrolling shots of guests on the
water. Assholes. We passed through here on the first day.
It looked clean and as far as we could tell, on the water.

We drove on down to Daytona via A1A so we could
see the ocean the whole way. As such, we missed the
cancellation time frame here. We should have looked closer
because when we got here to actually check in we found,
no water, a road view and their inability to see that they lied.
They refused to cancel our reservation because technically it is
on the beach, just surrounded by a gated community with no
beach view or access available to us. We can use the Holiday Inn’s
beach access a quarter mile away. Oh I was pissed. Seems trite I know.
But to be that near and not see or be able to get to it, when that
is EXACTLY what you asked for just pissed me off.

I showed my ass. We argued because she wasn’t careful when
she made the reservation. I blamed her. I am so very nice.
Not.

Yesterday was spent driving this town.
It wasn’t really a good day. I ended up with an IBS evening too.
Hilary and Jan went swimming in the pool last night after we
got back from dinner. But any fun for Hilary did not happen
yesterday. I feel like crap about it. I should have just let it go
for her sake. Jan and I are strained from yesterday still. Quiet.
Hurt from things we both said that were mean. Trying to let it go.
I am upset about more than an ocean view…with her and other crap.
Ruining my day and theirs with it was wrong.

——————————–

I must find a way to not care so much about people who prove they
really don’t care about you. It is clouding my days darkly. I take the time
to reach out to others. To let them know that I care if they should need me.
Two minutes is all it takes to reach out and touch someone deeply.
For me, when that doesn’t happen over and over again, when no effort is
made except only when you have a need to connect,
but not when the other person may need the same…well it’s not what I
want in a friend. At all. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that
one might need to hear from a friend when she has no family that will
reach out on a birthday. I feel very alone in the world most days.
That is the honest truth. I feel alone in the world most of the time.
To have had that email or call for my birthday would have filled that
void with a bit of goodness. But that didn’t happen. One stop here
would have told anyone when that day was.
I question my place in those people’s lives.

They always come back around and tell you how busy they are,
family issues, chores to do… meaning you are not considered the
same…not family. Not worthy of it. Slap.

—————————–
On to today!!

Today we plan to walk the historic district and all the little shops
there. Tomorrow we are off to Savannah and Tybee.
I forgot to bring my address book to call Cathy. Yesterday would
have been a bad day for it anyway. I did search again this morning
for her number on line and may have found it. I just don’t know
anymore if I want to do it. Reconnecting with people from your past
is often hurtful I have found. I don’t even know if I want to see her now.
We will see what the day brings. My gut says no.

Will post pictures later. Jan has been a snapping fool, but we didn’t
upload them last night and the camera is across the room. I am
trying to quietly blog while they sleep. I am always up hours before
they are. It’s a nice quiet time for me anyway. I may sneak out and
walk that quarter mile to the ocean.

—————————–
News from the house is good.
Kate stayed there on her day off and they had friends over.
(they say the house is still standing) She reports that our
pups had fun having a movie time with several of their friends
upstairs, so they got attention from them. I miss Zoe.

Thanks so much for the birthday wishes everyone.
It was a lovely one.

Better reporting later…

Daytona Beach, unscheduled stop…

It was decided at 4 am that our first stop would be farther
south than we had planned. Neither Jan nor Hilary had been
here either. Well it’s like they knew I was coming to town!
Shirts to suit me and they even set off fireworks at dusk over
the pier in my honor. I am sure of it! LOL

More great shots on Jan’s flickr
http://www.flickr.com/photos/15529102@N02/

She took many art photos and will alter them soon.
For now, just fun.

Off to St Augustine tomorrow for two days.
Today/tonight was sooo much fun!

More later on this, but not only did I find my old apartment
in Jax Beach but they were moving out and having a yard sale.
We were able to go inside as well. Interestingly the couple that
lives there now are lesbians too.

Thank you all for the lovely day!!
You helped to make it so.

Sleepless and full

3am, all of us unable to sleep.
I got several hours thanks to a pain pill for a back ache.
(Days ago Zoe took off like a bat out of hell off our lawn.
She heard a puppy crying and ran to save it. She was on a leash
that retracts, at the end of the line, she yanked the heck out of
my back. It’s been achy and half a vico*din helped me sleep.)

Jan and Hilary barely slept at all. I think we may shower and
head out soon. We could be past Atlanta before sunrise.

I have such angst over these dogs and my son’s ability to hear
that they need care. He seems to be in another world.
We have asked two of his friends to hang with him this week
and see that he takes care of issues here. Damn!

Last night we went to dinner at Kate’s. Her first meal cooked
in her own home. The first time she has attempted anything
complex on her own. She made us baked Ziti, salad and bread.
A rocky road cake (bought) and even made me lemonade because
I cant drink carbonation. Every single item a favorite of mine.
The Ziti was out of this world! She even bought Jan Diet coke.

Seems she learned something all those years as I did the same
for them and others, for parties. She learned to be a proper hostess.
Taking note along the way of likes and dislikes of her potential guests.
Paying attention. I am a proud mom! The cooking skill, well that is all her.
Highly impressed by her!

My gifts were several pieces of lovely clothing and BOTH THE
nightgown and the ROBE I coveted! Extravagance all the way, just the
softest cotton ever! Lacy and delicate… I am in love with both!
I’m packing them but I had to wear them last night, uhhh tonight.

Among Hilary’s gifts to me was a beautiful long white linen pencil skirt,
(straight sides) just lovely on, even with those saddle bags I still carry.

We had a wonderful time there, though Jan decided that the pups
missed Kate and brought them along to her house. (Carrie has a dog!)
They all got along except Zoe. She acted a fool. She wont be going back!

I installed window film on Kate’s bathroom window. It looked out onto
a street and a curtain wouldn’t do well there.
(wet conditions just over the sink) Everyone could see her.
It bothered all of us. I installed this film that I have had forever for
another project. It is also a mosaic pattern! She really appreciated it.
Privacy!

So we are stuffed from a wonderful dinner, stuffed full of family love
and unable to sleep. Ready to get the hell out of dodge, as they say…
I am off to shower for the trip! Have a great day.
We will check in this evening if we find an internet connection.

Thanks for all the wishes, I wasn’t going to mention it.
Posting that one is having a birthday on a blog begs for attention.
Or so it feels…I try not to do that too often in public.
But I did want to say thank you to those who have already wished
me well. It will be a lovely day I am sure. I am 49 in just a few hours.
One year shy of that half century on this earth mark.
It’s a good life.

Love to you all.

There are moments…

“There are moments you remember all your life,
there are moments you wait for and dream of all your life…
This is one of those moments.”

Those words from the movie Yentl as she decides
to follow her heart and disguise herself in order
to study what no woman was allowed to then.
That moment, of walking into the building that would finally
open up a world of knowledge to her hungry brain.

In a smaller scale, you could say that the next month will
be like that for me. I spend occasional time pondering those
moments yet to come. Meeting G, will she like me, will we
all meld like warm clay to molds? I hope, I wish, I pray for it.

To know Laura again, to have a chance to meet her
children as adults someday. Just beyond any hope I could
have had. She is infuriating and amazingly wonderful
each and every day. I hold no delusions as to who she is.
Not some icon, just a woman such as me.

Just know, sometimes life slings awful things at you,
but then it also gives back pure joy.
Just pure wonderment.

————————————-
Oh, I remain terrified at the prospect.
I try to take today and just enjoy what it is, but
have to admit that my mind slips there daily.
The fact that we will go soon and questions will be
answered for us all. Jan is still very excited and so at ease
compared to me. She has no worries over any of it.
I do so love her.

————————————–
And so today, our vacation gets under way with
major packing of all those prepared and bought supplies.
Jan is beside herself to go. Hilary too. Of course I am!

I’m going to call Cathy today and let her know we are coming.
I should at least see how she feels about it so I can plan our
time effectively. Hotel prices are outrageous on line for anything
in a tourist area of course. Those two nights we have free, we
will find an off highway option and drive to the tourist places the
next day. No sense paying for an ocean view for a few hours of sleep.

Tybee has no internet at the cottage, but I will see if I can pick up
a local signal. If not the library has wifi and I can drive there to blog
and check mail. Jan is especially excited to share trip pictures
with friends at home from our travels as they happen.
We may do a flip video or two as well.

We are off for a trip through my past. Odd that.
I love you Jan, thank you for this amazing trip.
Have a great day all!

St Augustine Florida Pier Walk

Just a quickie

hmmm, Busy day already for some of us.
Not me!
Jan and the kids (sans Kate) mowed.
I was told to sit! I minded well.
I painted the stone on the Sedona piece and finished it.

They mowed and then Jan decided to get more sweaty
and remove a tree root that was dislodging a lower patio
stone. Nice!! I have been meaning to get to that problem.

I listened to music and hosted the people taking a break
from the heat. Nice to have visitors in the studio.

Here it is finished…. looking more orange than real life.
I am finished. Just need to seal the grout tonight and I’ll
ship tomorrow. A day early damn it!

Red Rock Journey, Foam Substrate 12.5 X 14.5

————————-
Jan and I cut Zoe’s leg fur late last night.
She is a cocker and her legs were very long now and matting.
Brushing her often is not something my son will even think to do!
By the time we got home, she would be matted big time.
So we shaved her legs LOL. She loved every moment of it.
Gave us kisses all the while. Weird. We imagine she has been feeling
left out of the process with Teddy and wanted that attention for herself.
When we were finished she strutted her stuff for an hour.
Just so happy to be cooler. She is just the best dog.
—————————

Everyone is showering and we are meeting Kate at 2 to go and buy
a few last minute trip needs for Hilary. We must also get water shoes
for the marshes as we kayak, and those swim suit bottoms for Jan.

Kate just wanted to come along to be with us. She is changing before
our eyes. It’s amazing to live through.

Not much else trip prep to do. Just wash the car and pack tomorrow.
Jan is in charge of medications, toiletries and car prep.
So I am finished anyway!

The rest of today will be a fun and lazy day spent with my girls.
Sounds great to me. John Paul said no thanks on the shopping thing!

Have a great Thursday all.
How many more days?
Count with me… TWO!!

My day so far…

and it is just 5 pm…

I watered plants and filled the pond at 6 am because my
feet cramped in the night and decided I should be up at the
hour of 5:30 am. I had to fill the pond due to an errant
leaf that was redirecting the water out of the pond!
It was pretty much empty when I went outside with the pups
this morning. So I spent some early morning time in the yard.
It was nice.

I cleaned out my closet some more. Tried on everything.
Mended a dress,
Made my ’shrunk by the dryer’ legged pj’s into Capri pajamas.
(I hemmed them shorter!) They are my favorite slop around Pj’s.
Hemmed a new pair of shorts for Jan.
Mended my nightgown

Grouted the Sedona piece twice!
(the first color choice sucked so I had to quickly dig it out and begin again!)

Did three loads laundry. Yeah! I know!!!
Light Dusting, AKA, half assed!
Tidied the house, cleaned kitchen surfaces.

Filled my Ipod further with some of Jan’s music for the road trip.
Put away fold up clothes. Still need to put away the hang ups,
but who the hell cares.

Can I leave yet?

(Hilary did help by sweeping and vacumming!)

—————————–
Grouting finished. I just need to Faux paint the “stone” and poly it.
Whew!! Yuck the stone looks sick right now,
Pay no attention, that is not the final color!!

It’s nap time.
I am not cooking and you cant make me!

Cupcakes and scales

The question is asked of each of us,
what kind of cake, ice cream and meal would you
like for your family dinner. I wanted nothing really.
But did think Kate would enjoy making cupcakes. It
is one of those things she loves to bake. Better yet,
would be for her to serve them at her house.
So on Friday a day earlier than the actual moment
of my birth, we will go to Kate’s house for her first of
many family gatherings. She is excited.
I have nothing to do to prep for it.
No clean up, no time frame! It all works out.
No one talked about dinner, and I could care less.
Lets just have cupcakes! I just want to pack and go to
Florida on Saturday early. I am now planning a coastal
drive both ways. We have the time to do it.
We all need this so badly.

————————–

I weighed at the hospital the other day, it said 198,
Home said 201 the same day, the doctors office recently
said 200. Home says from 202 to 199 each day.
I am calling it! I did it, I hit 200. Not the 180 I wanted
to be by August, but I think I’ll be close. Especially with
vacation, I always eat LESS on vacation. My stomach rejects
most changes in diet or region. Oh, but that may no longer be
true. Who knows, I am not going to worry over it.

I just pleased to have passed the plateau I was stuck on finally!
AND this evening we were shopping around and it turns out I am
now wearing a 16 pant. WTF!! I found several things I wanted at
Cato’s on clearance in that amazingly small size (for me!)
and went to pay. Jan has the Cato card. They only gave us one.
(probably smart come to think of it) But, she forgot her wallet.
Employees aren’t supposed to hold stuff they said, and I wasn’t taking
it out of our checking account. I was fine with putting it the stuff back.
I can wear the stuff I have now, they are just a bit big.
But since I am in there all the damned time lately,
they held it for me until tomorrow. I’ll keep Jan’s card and hope they
will do it for me, if not she will have to when she gets off tomorrow.

I haven’t really lost any more to warrant the smaller size,
a piddly 4 pounds, but I think the rowing and lifting may be toning
what it was supposed to. How fricking cool is that!! I was pretty sure
it was a complete waste of time actually. Though it does feel good.
I have slacked off of all of it this week, just too much to do in the studio.
I figured I had made no progress. But to hell with that! I DID!

I saw myself becoming my mother.
This woman who had to have a shopping cart to lean against.
Struggling to make her feet and legs hold her frame. An unhealthy
large size. Because I believe there is fine fat and then there is
unhealthy fatness. I was heading for her line big time. Using that
cart even if I just needed a few things. Saying it was my lungs,
or my hips. No it was my gut!
————————-

The Sedona piece is finished except for grouting it tomorrow.
Then I’ll do the faux stone painting and seal it on Friday.
Meeting my Saturday deadline, close but there!
She has watched the process and was anxious at one point.
Now she loves it. I haven’t posted the completed work and
didn’t want to this time for some reason. I’ll post the finished piece.
Making her squirm a little. HA!

—————————

Tonight is Hilary’s last night to work for a week, thank God.
They have worked her to death since she graduated.
The money is good though. She is very very excited to go this Saturday.
I told her about our Kayaking plans. A three hour guided tour around
Little Tybee and the marshes. She is really excited about that too.
A year ago she too would have said no thanks.
She has lost just over 30 pounds herself!

Jan’s last day is tomorrow.
Mowing the grass Thursday and doing one last shopping run for Jan.
She bought a great suit and I told her at the time that the ocean
was going to rip those bottoms right off of her. We swam at Katrina’s
last night and even in a pool they are falling off.
So we need to do that or she cant swim. Of course the tags and all
that are gone. Maybe they will fit me, they are a 16. Hmmm.

Her other issue health wise seemed solved, then started back up
with force. Scary shit. She is now on another pill to stop all the mess
until we get back and they can find out what is up with her own
cute little vajayjay LOL

Off to kiss her goodnight.
Have a good one tomorrow everyone.

Crazy busy days make for crazy blogging schedules.
I’ll probably do better away from home.
We will be uploading and blogging on the road.
In 4 days!!

I got no stock…

(that’s north Georgia English folks….

I have to say that it’s a great feeling to know that
almost a year has gone by; and I don’t have a bunch
of completed mosaic pieces laying about. Waiting on that
weekend market day where I would have gone and sat
for the day as I smiled pretty whist trying to sell my wares.
It is the part of this life that I dreaded.
I may yet need to, and will of course I if do someday.

But for now, the people I have met on line have been buying
from me nicely. I’ll still open a ETSY shop too but I still have
nothing to stock it with. It’s a nice problem to have in a way.
But I could get more exposure if I had a shop out there besides
my web site.

Jan’s work friend, our good friend personally, Janie has asked
to buy the Confidence piece. Jan says she looks at it on my flickr
site at work. Kinda nice to know they look over my works in progress
photos while on a break from nursing duties. Jan is a great publicity
person for me.

They say I am fast, those mosaic people in the know.
But, I Got No Stock People!!

I wanted to take Cathy and Katrina Hostess/gifts of my work
and looked through those small frames and stuff from months ago.
I realized that my oldest stuff which is small and more appropriate,
is crap compared to now, and I really don’t want to give any of it
away! I could never sell them either, they aren’t good enough to
me now. Pretty cool to know that!

I finished the sky on the sedona piece,
Karen has named it Red Rock Journey in tribute
to the time spent there collecting it’s healing energy.
We have agreed on a price, as it grew since it’s inception…
and I will get it in the mail before I leave Saturday.
Too lazy to upload a new photo here.
It’s in flickr. Just the figure left to do today and I can grout tomorrow.
Back to it.

On being real.

I want to be the kind of friend you can say the hard stuff to.
To have someone you can be completely honest with and know
that nothing you say is going to make me stop caring for you.
Nothing will make me think less of your spouse either, unless
you tell me that person is abusing you. Then all bets are off
and I will take a stand on the side of what is right. But
that isn’t the case with you. Relationships are work. Ever changing
and we must change with it or lose it. Our needs change. It’s life.

If I said too much I am sorry, it really isn’t my business except
that I love you and want the best each day for you.
If we aren’t the kind of friends who can complain and also
praise our spouses to each other, why are we doing this at all?

Because I have those friends. I have plenty of those friends you
smile politely with and say nothing real to. I wanted more than that.
I was sure you did too. Just because an issue is there, That I see,
and may need a bit of work, doesn’t mean I don’t think that person
is amazing for you! I do, I do. It isn’t even a problem really but
I wanted to be free to speak what I see and to ask if you are ok
with that. Because I don’t want you to be, I want it all for you.

The above, in response to my possibly saying too much to
a friend last night… Though I hope it isn’t seen as too much.
For all the reasons stated above. I want to be that friend and
need the same for myself in return. To be real without worry is
the greatest gift to another.

———————————
Work,
I finished the red rocks and am working on the pond of my piece.
Just a few more bits there, then the sky and figure is all that is left.
The goal is to complete the glass work today. I worked until 2 am
last night. Peaceful down there as the house sleeps.
edit, finished those water bits, now on to the sky…

———————————
6 days till Florida!!! I am in list making mode. Very excited!
I have decided not to even call Cathy until we are actually there.
Whether or not we see her isn’t a big deal. But I want to make
the offer to take her out to eat with us, or just to wander old
town St Augustine with her again.

As an aside, I went to Cathy when my marriage to John crashed
and burned with the final straw on that last day.
When I walked in and found him in bed with that student nurse
of age 18. I packed my things and told him that I was leaving for
a few days and he could now learn how to be a father.

Three days before that day my ex lover Sherry had come on to
me again and I had turned her down. Because of those vows I took.
Oh I wanted to in the worst way, but I honored those vows
and there he was, not doing the same again. It was all I could
do not to kill him. So I left.

I stayed with Cathy for ten days before his daily frantic
calls on how to parent finally made me come home. When I
arrived there to see her and fall a part on her, she told me that
we would not be lovers again. I already knew that 7 years before.
But I understood her worry that I was wanting to pick up where we
left off. A lifetime had happened between the two and I considered
her just a friend at that point. When I was preparing to leave she
hurtfully told me that I had disappointed her. She was sure I would
have slipped into her bed and I did not. I try hard not to repeat the
same mistake twice. I told her I would always hold her close inside
and thanked her as I left to drive back to my children and my failed
straight marriage. Ready then to be the single parent I knew I
had to be. At that time Hilary was 18 months old, John Paul
was 6 and Kate was 5.

Cathy and I have spoken over the years many times and have
seen each other a few times when she has been in town.
She has stayed here in the past but I have never visited her there
again. Watching her decline in health and mental ability has been
a part of my life with her from day one.
So I will take care with her still.

—————————-
Must get back to it.
Have a great Sunday.