A mixed bag

My internet has been iffy all day. I’ll log on and then it
refuses to load a new page. Have I mentioned how much
I hate the automated help voice at charter? But this time
she did renew my IP address, seems the routing changed.
I was getting service from Missouri, now from Dalton GA
ten minutes away. It just made for a frustrating morning.

Hilary and I are disgustingly lazy as Jan works today.
We should be ashamed actually. I did manage to make
the bed and go to the grocery store. Week old bread
remained in the fridge. Riffled through cheese. I threw it
all away and started over fresh. $200.00 worth.

I was shocked that I had spent so much, it looked like
150 to me. It’s been so long since we replenished basic
food items. Cereal, fruits, meats etc… It adds up quicker now.
Everything seemed to be 3 dollars that used to be a 2 dollar
item. The gas prices hitting us there too. Someone must pay.

On our trip we managed to never pay that outrageous (for us)
amount of $4.00 for gas, but we had to shop around to find it.
If we found a 3.95 price we were happy. Sad but true.
Jan keeps track of such things being a numbers person,
I believe we got 22 mpg for city driving and 28 highway.
I was pleased with it. The car was also very weighed down.

————————
I cant really say why I chose not to contact Cathy while we
were in St Augustine nor why I also chose not to do the
nostalgic trip through Amelia Island that I had planned.
There was no pressure to do it any other way than I wanted
to. But once at Jax Beach and my apartment was so perfectly
there. It was enough of a visit home for me. I had no desire
to revisit both the good and the bad of those places.
The drive up and down A1A to and from Daytona was as
magical as I remembered and so enjoyed by Hilary and Jan.

—————————
In the midst of all this good came horrible moments where
Jan and I screamed hurtful words, where promises were made
of change; only to do the same in the next moment. Where stock
must be taken of what one will accept in the future and if we
can move past this month of hurt. We had the time to talk finally,
it’s the silence that makes me scream. She knows that now and
has been trying to reply, trying to say what she thinks and feels.
Something not allowed in her family growing up. One didn’t show
emotion. When strife happened you shut down, retreat and
remain silent until it blows over. I have begged her to have an
opinion instead of searching for what she believes is the Right
answer for me. We are still working toward a better us.

———————–

Our fricking pond has sprung a leak, we have to drain it and see
what is up, if it can be fixed and if not, what we want to do
about it. We have two koi that actually need more room to swim,
the option is there to do the addition to it now, though we wanted
to wait until the spring. Or if we want to buy the same pre-formed
liner that we currently have and just swap them out. Either way,
it is a huge job for us this “weekend” (Thursday/Friday).
Another option is to eliminate it altogether. But that idea made
Jan’s eyes go wide when I suggested it, so I think it is not really
an option at all. We shall see… anyone want to help dig a hole?

—————————-
Kate called today. She had her housewarming party last night.
You had to come dressed as a C or K thing or person.
C for Carrie, a K for Katherine. Very creative results from these
20 somethings! Hilary went as a Clairvoyant. Anyway, she called
to tell me she had spent the night with one of my favorite friends
of theirs, Ryan. He is a fine man, I wish she would be involved with.
Her description of their night (and they did not sleep) was very
intimate and even romantic in the things they did and the length
of time they spent talking. As she put it, about the deep shit no
one else thinks to talk about. They laid in the street watching the
stars and talking until they heard a car coming, then they would
run screaming and laughing. She told me that Ryan just loves me,
thinks I am the coolest Mom. She thanked me in a choked voice
for my parenting. For encouraging her open mind. I was very
touched. She was very tender, unlike the child she normally was
on a regular basis. I see so much growth in her.
———————————-

Remember those Brach’s candies? they had a display and you
could scoop in a variety of candies into a cute little mixed bag,
sold by the pound. One in particular, a rectangular white nougat
and some form of colored gel candies in them? I ate a bunch of
them once as a child and made myself sick. I saw those today
at the grocery store. It was a blast from the past that made
my stomach turn a bit. I didn’t buy them, but the chocolate stars
next to them called to me hard and I had to get a 1/2 pound of them!
My sister Dawn and I used to eat those chocolate stars as a special
treat often. I will savor every melted bit of them. Of course I have
hidden them from the masses! One must protect the chocolate stash.