Parenting and friends.

I feel like I owe most people in my heart an apology.
I seem to be off the deep end occasionally.
No rhyme or reason to when or why. Those lovely
female hormones I am sure. The good news is that I am
getting my period out of the way before Michigan.
Very good news. The bad news is, Jan had to pop a Valium
into my mouth last night as I sobbed uncontrollably over my
plight. What plight? I have no idea, but last night, lack of
family, lack of friends who give a damn about me in an honest
way, just sent me over the edge and I was sobbing for a good
hour. Just a sobbing snotty ugly mess. This morning my body
told me why. Jesus, when will this shit end?

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In the morning when I walk the pups they are sleepy and I
rarely leash them. Lil Bit wouldn’t dream of leaving the yard.
Ted is allowed to walk on his own to the side yard as he refuses
to poo in his front yard. Zoe minds me off her leash, but not any
other family member. Most of the time. A new pup down the road
will alert her if it is barking and she has run four houses down to
“save” it. Then off I go to retrieve her, bralessly running down the
fricking street. Boobs swinging away LOL It’s a sight, but not as
bad as Jan doing the same! I think the neighbors must wish we
slept in bras. Ah well…

This morning the neighbors little boy was leaving with his dad
and was talking to him. Zoe heard them and ran over there just
growling and barking. Stopping just a few feet from them to continue
to tell them to get off her street. This little boy used to scream
when he saw Zoe. Today he reached for Zoe and popped her in the
nose! He said, Naughty doggie! His Dad and I just laughed. It was
too funny to see him finally take control. Zoe immediately sat down
and tilted her head. As if to say, Hey! that isn’t the way it works.
I told her to get back in her yard “Right NOW!” and she sulked as she
walked home. I apologized to the little boy and told him he did a
good thing. He just smiled and said “Lets go daddy.”
It was too damned cute. Zoe and I sat by the pond and had a talk
about her wild ways. Until the mosquito’s found me.

Speaking of which, they are awful this year! We sprayed ourselves
non stop while doing the pond liner. Just itching the whole time.
Probably deet poisoned by now! Someone at work suggested we
spray the yard with Listerine! They swear it keeps mosquito’s away.
Anyone heard that? We have to do something. Any home remedies
that wont poison me or my dogs, or damage my garden either?
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I worked most all day yesterday and finished the background.
It’s in flickr if you want to see, too lazy to upload here. I also went
to the hospital and took the Confidence piece to Janie Todd. She fell
in love with it on line and I surprised her by taking it to her. She cant
afford it right now but I told her to just pay Jan 20 each pay period
until it is paid for. She is the friend who took such dear care of me
when I had my gallbladder out, even bought me that summer robe
that I dearly love. I do so want my pieces to go to people who
feel some connection to them for what ever reason. I am happy
to let them go to those people. Even if it means helping them out
with the money end of it. For good friends at least.
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I also stopped in to visit another friend in the area. I have known
Karen since I was 18. She is extremely butch, so much so that she
had her breasts removed years ago. (a tragedy in my mind!)
Wears mens underwear even. I once had sex with her, just
drunken/messy sex. No love involved. In the midst of it she whispered
in my ear that she wanted to get me pregnant. WTF? It isn’t possible.
This was back when Cathy and I did all sorts of stupid stuff to our
relationship. Threesomes, swapping partners, many drugs…
I was young and stupid. We laugh about it all now.

Karen and I have been friends ever since. Her mom is dying and she
is her main support. No one is helping her, not even the Nurse they
hired to help. I had to sit them down and tell them that they are
being used by her. To set some rules or fire her.
It was nice to see them and reconnect. I need to make more of
an effort to stop in often to offer my help and support.
Her mom’s mind is going but she remembered me, which surprised
Karen. She has always adored me. She wished Karen had made a life
with me as her choices in partners has never been good. Nora said
as much yesterday too. She still calls me Carol. One of the few left
who does. I don’t mind it that she uses it. But it is odd to hear that
name used for me. Her death will be felt deeply within me. She has
always been such a good person. Quiet and gentle to all. I don’t want
her to struggle to breathe anymore. Yet I don’t want Karen to lose
her either. The circle of life often sucks.
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We had burrito night last night here at home. Hilary helped with
all the prep work and cooked the meat for me. Her little gay friend
Glen came to eat with us and then they went to a party.
She texted me later that she would not be home as everyone who
could drive was drunk. Good girl! (She has tried alcohol and pot and
hated both) So I was surprised when Zoe pushed her way in her room
today as usual and Hilary was in bed. She woke and I asked how she
got home. She said her Mormon friend Candy drove her home.
HA! Good choice. I raised a smart kid. I’m glad she is safely home.
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See I always knew my kids would try drugs, alcohol, experiment sexually.
It was expected. We always talked about it as if it would someday be
something they had to decide on. That they would try things and I knew
that they would. It gave them less to rebel with. Actually it is often said
that I am impossible to rebel against. Said as a complaint against me.
They say I am too open minded about such things. I chose my battles
and tried never to be shocked by what they revealed. It worked well.

They tell me everything and know that I have probably tried it and will
be honest with them about my worries, my experiences etc…
None of them ended up addicted to anything, none ended up pregnant
like so many here in N. Georgia. I do pat myself on the back for it.
No one else did it. Their father had no desire to parent. Jan arrived after
those values were instilled and learned my way easily. I think I shocked
her at first. Our dinner conversations were often very honest. Proper
terms used from day one of body parts and such. It was the only way
I knew to parent. The opposite of my childhood of lies and deception.
Getting down on their level to speak in an adult way, no baby talk.
Treating them as small lives, not stupid children like some people do.
Children I meet even today respond to that amount of respect for them
and offer it in return. There is a lesson there to be had.

Have a great day all, I am off to work.